I always suspected I was one of the best Muslims in the country. But it wasn’t until I was nominated for a “British Muslim Award” earlier this year, that I was officially able to confirm it to myself and to others.
There’s been a frenzy of speculation recently that Hollywood actress Lindsay Lohan has decided to become Muslim. If true, she’ll join the ranks of celebrity converts like Jermaine Jackson, Dave Chapelle, Cat Stevens and Mike Tyson.
The rumour does create an interesting anxiety for some Muslim Lohan fans: is it now wrong to masturbate to her old movies? Or is lusting after Lindsay suddenly sanctioned by scripture? Despite my newly-elevated status, surprisingly, I’ve no idea. But, if you know then please comment below. #AskingForAFriendObviously
Joining any religious community is fraught with culture shocks and the danger of committing unforgivable faux pas. As one of the best Muslims in the country – possibly the world – I’m in a strong position to give some pointers about what Lindsay can expect should she officially decide to join the faith. …Continue Reading »
What’s On magazine have just announced the finalists for their 2017 Awards. Very undeservedly, I’ve been shortlisted for the Best Midlands Comedian prize!! I honestly can’t believe I’m in the same category as the likes of Joe Lycett and Greg Davies. That’s mental.
The’ve also announced their finalists in the Midlands Breakthrough Act and Best Midlands Comedy Night categories, with both of those lists featuring some amazing names that I respect and admire.